If you’re looking for a good laugh and a good collection of fruit jokes for kids, then you’ve come to the right place. These jokes are clean and safe for children and will have you in fits of laughter in no time.
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Q: How many cranberries grow on a bush?
A: All of them
Q: How do you make a lemon drop?
A: Just let it fall
Q: What did the blueberry say to his wife on Valentines day?
A: I love you berry much
Q: What did one raspberry say to the other?
A: I love you berry much
Q: What do you call a banana that likes to dance?
A: A banana shake
Q: What did the grape say to the peanut butter?
A: Tis the season to be jelly
Q: What do vampire footballers have at half-time?
A: Blood oranges
Q: What do you give a sick lemon?
A: Lemon aid
Q: What do you get when you cross a lemon and a cat?
A: A sour puss
Q: What happens when you step on an orange?
A: You hurt its peelings
Q: What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Q: What happens to grapes when you step on them?
A: They wine
Q: What is a ghost’s favorite fruit?
Q: What is a boxer’s favorite drink?
A: Fruit punch
Q: What is a tree’s favorite fruit?
Q: What is Darth Vader’s favorite fruit?
A: Empire apples
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Q: What kind of apple isn’t an apple?
Q: When do you go at red and stop at green
A: When you’re eating a watermelon
Q: What tree produces fruit that tastes like chicken?
Q: Why did the farmer plant a seed in his pond?
A: He was trying to grow a water-melon
Q: Where do baby apes sleep?
A: In apricots
Q: Which fruit do pokemon like most?
A: Staryu fruit
Q: Why did the guy get fired from the orange juice factory?
A: He couldn’t concentrate
Q: Why did the grape stop in the middle of the road?
A: Because he ran out of juice
Q: Why do watermelons have fancy weddings?
A: Because they cantaloupe
Q: Why did the melon jump into the lake?
A: He wanted to be a water-melon
Q: Why were the apple and the orange all alone?
A: Because the banana split
Q: Why was the little strawberry crying?
A: His parents were in a jam
Q: How does a ghost eat an apple?
A: By goblin it
Q: What kind of shoes are made from banana peels?
Q: When is an apple a grouch?
A: When it’s a crab apple
Q: What do two bananas do when they meet each other?
A: A banana shake
Q: What do you wall an apple that plays the trumpet?
A: A tooty fruity
Q: What is King Kong’s favorite food?
Q: What did the apple skin say to the apple?
A: I’ve got you covered
Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor?
A: Because it wasn’t peeling well
Q: What key do you use to open a banana?
A: A monkey
Q: What did the banana in the sun say to the other?
A: I don’t know about you but I’m starting to peel
Q; What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?
A: A coconut on vacation
Q: What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
A: Finding half a worm
Q: How do you make an apple turnover?
A: You push it down the hill
Q: Why did the worm leave the apple?
A: Because Noah said to travel in pairs
Q: Why don’t robots like apples?
A: They’re androids
Q: Why did the apple pie go to the dentist?
A: Because it needed a filling
Q: Why is it so difficult to work at an apple pie factory?
A: They have such a high turnover rate
Q: Why did the apple cross the road?
A: It saw a fork up ahead
Q: What do you get when you put an iPhone in a blender?
A: Apple juice
Q: What do you get when you cross apple pie with a Christmas tree?
A: Pineapple pie
Q: Last night I dreamed I was swimming in an ocean of orange lemonade
A: It was a Fanta-sea
Q: I just found out I’m colorblind
A: That diagnosis came completely out of the orange
Q: Why do oranges do so well in school?
A: They concentrate
Q: Orange is a great fruit
A: It’s citrically acclaimed
Q: What kind of monkey doesn’t eat bananas?
A: An orangutan
Q: What do oranges wear sun cream?
A: Because their skin peels
Q: How many marmalade sandwiches did Paddington Bear eat?
A: None, he’s already stuffed
Q: A lorry full of berries crashed on the motorway
A: It created a huge jam
Q: Which fruit is always feeling sad?
A: A blue-berry
Q: Why can’t you make a crumble with 3.14 blackberries?
A: Because that would be a pi
Q: How do you fix a broken berry?
A: With a strawberry patch
Q: Why are grapes always so happy?
A: They have nothing to wine about
Q: I went to the doctor because I had strawberry growing out of my ear
A: He gave me some cream for it
Q: What was Prince’s favorite dessert?
A: Raspberry sorbet
Q: How did the fruit basket get across the lake?
A: They took the straw-ferry
Q: I went to the shop today to get lemons and limes but they didn’t have any
A: It was a fruitless trip
Q: Where do baby citrus fruits go to learn?
A: A lemon tree school
Q: What does a lemon say when it wants a hug?
A: Give us a squeeze
Q: Lemons and limes fight all the time
A: They’re bitter rivals
Q: Why did the lemon go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling sour
Q: What did the lemon say to the lime?
A: Sour you doing?
Q: Why did the lemon cross the road?
A: He wanted to play squash
Q: Why were the chefs shaving peaches?
A: Because they needed nectarines for the recipe
Q: What do you call the time in-between eating a load of peaches?
A: A pit stop
Q: What pie did the scientists use for their experiments?
A: A peach tree dish
Q: Did you hear about the fruit that gave people a warm fuzzy feeling?
A: It was a real peach
Q: What do you call a piece of art made by a fruit?
A: A masterpeach
Q: Why was the peach late for work?
A: He had to make a pit stop on the way
Q: What did the pitted fruit say when he got into a fight?
A: You want a peach of me?
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad
Q: What did the fruit say to his valentine?
A: I love you from my head tomato
Q: How do you fix a broken tomato?
A: Use tomato paste
Q: What did the daddy tomato say when his child was falling behind on their walk?
Q: Why did the tomato go to the ball with a prune?
A: Because he couldn’t find a date
Q: What did the watermelon say to the cantaloupe?
A: You’re one in a melon
Q: A guy kept trying to sell me a tropical fruit
A: I told him mango
Q: What do you call a snake made out of pineapple?
You may think I’m crazy for eating ham and pineapple sandwiches but hey, that’s just Hawaii roll
Q: Knock knock
A: Who’s there? Q: Figs A: Figs who? Q: Figs the doorbell, it’s broken
Q: Knock knock
A: Who’s there? Q: Orange A: Orange who? Q: Orange you going to let me in?
Q: Knock knock
A: Who’s there? Q: Olive A: Olive who? Q: Olive you. Do you love me too?
Q: Knock knock
A: Who’s there? Q: Bean A: Bean who? Q: Bean a while since I’ve seen you
Q: Knock knock
A: Who’s there? Q: Orange A: Orange who? Q: Orange you glad to see me?
Q: How do you make a strawberry shake?
A: Put it in the freezer
Q: What do you get if you cross a sheep with a fruit?
A: A baaaa-nana
Q: What does a pear tree do before growing fruit?
A: It pre-pears
Q: Which fruit loves going down slides?
A: A ki-wheeee
Q: What’s a banana’s favorite gymnastic move?
A: The splits
Q: Why are grapes never lonely?
A: Because they hang around in bunches
Q: Which fruit likes to tease?
Q: Why did the tomato blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing
Q: What do you call a vanishing fruit?
A: A disap-pear
Q: What’s the most fruity school subject?
A: History – it’s full of dates
Q: I got hit in the back by a piece of fruit
A: It was a spineapple
Q: If there are three oranges and four apples in your hand, what do you have?
A: Large hands
Q: What happens when citrus fruits work overtime?
A: They get lime and a half
Q: What kind of fruit grows on a calendar?
Q: Which fruit is square and green?
A: A lemon in disguise
Q: How do you make a fruit punch?
A: Give it a pair of boxing gloves
Q: What happens when you photocopy fruit?
A: You get a paper jam
Q: Why was the fruit busy on Friday night?
A: It had a date
Q: How do you address a pineapple princess?
A: Your pine-ness
Q: What do you call a band of berries practicing music?
A: A jam session
Q: Why did the peach buy deodorant?
A: To freshen up its pits
Q: What’s a banana’s favorite way to say “thank you”?
A: Thanks a bunch
Q: What did the strawberry write to its crush?
A: I’m berry fond of you
Q: What’s an apple’s favorite airline to fly?
A: Fruit flies
Q: What’s a fruit’s favorite motivational quote?
A: Seeds the day
Q: What book did the lime let the lemon borrow?
A: A Wrinkle in Lime
Q: What did the fruit say to its best pal?
A: You’re pretty grape
Q: What happened when the orange broke out of prison?
A: All hell broke juice
Q: How do oranges communicate with each other?
A: They speak Mandarin
Q: Why did the orange turn into orange juice?
A: He couldn’t handle the pressure
Q: Why did the orange get prescription glasses?
A: Because it was lacking Vitamin See
Q: How did the orange get into an easy group at the Olympics?
A: It was well seeded
Q: What happens when you rub two oranges against each other?
A: You get Pulp Friction
Q: How do you know the orange was bullied?
A: He was beaten to a pulp
Q: Why do oranges have amazing eyesight?
A: They keep their eyes peeled
Q: Why did the orange’s song receive a negative review?
A: The song wasn’t orange-inal
Q: What happens when oranges get into a fight?
A: Things get juicy
Q: Why did the orange get into a car crash?
A: It wasn’t keeping its eyes peeled on the road
Q: Why couldn’t the orange believe that her friend had let her down?
A: Because citrus-ted him
Q: Why are oranges wholesome fruits?
A: They have that peel good factor
Q: Why did the orange have a sad Halloween this year?
A: Because he was all zest up and had nowhere to go
Q: What did the orange say before jumping into the juicer?
A: The zest is yet to come
We hope that you had a good read of these jokes and they made you and your friends and family laugh. Fruit is a good addition to have in your life, and so is having a laugh about them.