Fish are usually the first pet that a child gets. They make a great addition to a family, and are really relaxing to spend time watching.
However, there are some people that think they’re pretty boring creatures. So, what a better way to prove people wrong, by letting out a few fish jokes!
Whether you have a love for all animals great and small, land or sea, or whether you’ve just got your first pet fish. These jokes are great for anyone, but especially children!
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Q: What is a celebrity fish called?
A: Starfish
Q: Which fish are sure to go to heaven?
A: Angelfish
Q: Who do fish pray to?
A: Cod Almighty
Q: Why did the woman make tons of fish-eye soup?
A: Because it will see her through the week
Q: Why does an octopus almost always win a fight?
A: Because he’s well armed
Q: How does a school of fish keep up to date about sea life?
A: They listen to the current news
Q: Why did the fish get in trouble with his parents
A: Because he was being too shellfish
Q: Where do fish store their money
A: In a river bank
Q: How do you tuna fish?
A: You adjust their scales
Q: Where do fish store their money?
A: In a river bank
Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because he saw the boat’s bottom
Q: Why did the fish get bad grades?
A: Because it was below sea level
Q: For fish astronauts, what’s the final frontier?
A: Trouter space
Q: Why did the fish get bad grades?
A: Because it was below sea level
Q: Why did the teenage fish get in trouble at school?
A: Because he was talking on his shell phone
Q: What type of music is best to listen to while fishing?
A: Something catchy
Q: Where do sick fish go?
A: To see a sturgeon
Q: Why do fish almost always lose their court cases?
A: They are always gill-ty
Q: Why are fish so lucky?
A: Because they seize every oppor-tuna-ty
Q: Why can’t fish have romantic relationships?
A: They are scared of intima-sea
Q: Why will fish never take responsibility?
A: Because it’s always salmon else’s fault
Q: What happens when you mix a fish and a banker?
A: A loan shark
Q: Why did the shopkeeper throw the clams out?
A: They were past their shell-by-date
Q: What does telephone solicitor fish say when the person they’re calling picks up the phone?
A: Cod I have a moment of your time
Q: Why is it so easy to weigh a fish?
A: Because they have their own scales
Q: What did the dentist say to the super-anxious shark?
A: Jaws relax
Q: What type of instrument do fish love to play?
A: A bass drum
Q: What does the fish say when it’s had it “up to here?”
A: That’s the last craw
Q: How much money does Gill Gates have?
A: A gillion dollars
Q: Why are there no job openings at the fish company?
A: They’re scaling back
Q: Who is the most famous fish spy?
A: James Pond
Q: How do you get an octopus to giggle?
A: Ten tickles
Q: When do fish stage an intervention for a friend?
A: When they’ve hit rockfish bottom
Q: How can you tell the puffer fish had too much salt at dinner?
A: He’s looking blow-ted
Q: Which fish has the worst haircut?
A: The mullet
Q: What did the waiter say when the man complained his fish tasted funny?
A: Sir, did you or did you not order the clownfish?
Q: How can you tell the blowfish has been working out?
A: He looks extremely puff
Q. What did the fish husband say to the fish wife when she asked him how she looked?
A: You look fin honey, now stop fishing for compliments
Q. What did the introverted snail wish for more than anything?
A: That he could one day come out of his shell
Q. Where do fish sleep?
A: In the riverbed
Q. What’s it called when a fish can’t carry a tune?
A: They’re tuna-deaf
Q. Why should you never fall in love with a blowfish?
A: You’ll always get re-puffed
Q. How many fish does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They don’t. They can an electric eel
Q. Why did the fisherman have to quit his job?
A: His net income wasn’t enough
Q: When you need a handyman, which fish do you call?
A: The mantis shrimp because he has his own hammer
Q. What country can every fish trace their roots back to?
A: Finland
Q. What’s the one fish that 40 percent of all Americans are afraid of?
A: Clown fish
Q: What is a fish’s least favourite activity?
A: Surfing the net
Q. Who is the fish’s favourite celebrity?
A: Ryan Seacrest
Q. What did the magician say to the fisherman?
A: Pick a cod, any cod!
Q: What day do all fish dread?
A: Fry-day
Q: I’ve been really into this show about fishing lately
A: I think it’s because it has quite an amazing cast
Q: Why was the shark so good at singing the blues?
A: He’s had sole
Q. Where do lady fish keep their money when they’re out and about?
A: In an octurpurse
Q: What is a fish’s favourite musical instrument?
A: The bass drum
Q: What’s the laziest fish in the world?
A: A Kipper
Q: What did the fish astronomer say?
A: The universe is infinite
Q: Why did the fish get poor grades in school?
A: Because it was below sea level
Q: Why did the shark cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide
Q. Where do fish sleep?
A: In their water beds
Q. What was the fish that stomped all over Japan?
A: Codzilla
Q. What is the most important part of a fish’s diet?
A: Plenty of vitamin sea
Q. Why did the chef leave his job at the diner?
A: He had bigger fish to fry
Q: How do you make a fish chuckle?
A: Tell a whale of a tale
Q. What did the fish say when everyone left his house?
A: Tanks for coming
Q. Where do fish astronauts go?
A: Into trouter space
Q. What did the romantic fish want?
A: A gill-friend
Q. Why do fish never get married?
A: They are scared of intimasea
Q. Why did the fish blush?
A: He saw the ocean’s bottom
Q. Why is seafood healthy?
A: It’s really good for your mussels
Q: If you want something done right
A: Don’t leave it to salmon else
Q: Why did the restaurant have to throw the clams out?
A: They were way past their shell-by-date
Q: How do you reach out to a fish that you haven’t seen in a while?
A: Just drop them a line
Q. What is the best kind of song to listen to whilst fishing?
A: Something catchy
Q. What do you get if you cross a crab and a math teacher?
A: Snappy answers
Q. What fish gets the most speeding tickets?
A: A motor pike
Q. Why did the teenage fish get in trouble at school?
A: He was using his shell phone during class
Q: A fish got caught by a fisherman
A: Now he’s in a boatload of trouble
Q. How do seahorses move so quickly?
A: They scallop
Q: Who is always the employee of the month at the balloon factory?
A: The blowfish
Q. Who makes sure the ocean is clean and tidy?
A: Mermaids
Q. What kind of fish should you call if you need a ride somewhere?
A: A seahorse
Q. What warning did the fish teacher give to their student?
A: I’m going to confishcate your phone if you keep using it in class
Q. What do fish bring to work with them each morning?
A: A reefcase
Q. What’s another name for a smelly fish?
A: A stink ray
Q. Why do you never see fish running large companies?
A: They prefer to operate on a smaller scale
Q. What did the fish say when it swam into a big wall?
A: Dam
Q. What kind of seafood can you get in saunas?
A: Steamed mussels
Q. Have you ever met a shy fish?
A: They are rather koi
Q: Did you see the fish wearing the tuxedo?
A: He looked very sofishticated
Q: Why do fish swim in schools?
A: Because they can’t walk
Q. Did you hear about the fish that got injured at the gym?
A: He pulled a mussle
Q: What do you call a lazy crustacean?
A: A slobster
Q: What did the fish boss say to his employee?
A: Cod I borrow you for five minutes?
Q: Why do companies run by fish never last long?
A: They’re always needing to scale back
Q: Why don’t sharks ever pay sticker price when they’re shopping?
A: Because they’re sale-fish
Q: What did the employee say to his boss?
A: I’ll dophinately have those reports on your desk by the end of the day
Q: Who is the leader of the underwater transformers?
A: Octopus Prime
Q: Where do fish go to work?
A: The offish
Q: What does the Loch Ness monster eat?
A: Fish-n-ships
Q: What do you say to a fish when it’s getting upset?
A: You need to clam down
Q: How do you get an octopus to laugh?
A: Give it ten-tickles (tentacles)
Q. How do shellfish get to the hospital?
A: They get picked up by a clambulance
Q: What do you call fish’s social media?
A: Fishbook
Q: What game to fish play at parties?
A: Salmon says
Q: Why was the fish such a valuable employee at the charity?
A: He was reely good at findraising
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks
Q: Where are most fish found?
A: Between their head and tail
Q: What do you call a fish without an eye?
A: Fsh
Q: What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?
A: You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish
We hope you’ve enjoyed these fish jokes and managed to get a laugh out of a few friends and adults. We know that we laughed at them!