Reel in the Laughs: Get Hooked on These Fin-tastic Fish Jokes!

By Raz Parker

Fish are usually the first pet that a child gets. They make a great addition to a family, and are really relaxing to spend time watching.

However, there are some people that think they’re pretty boring creatures. So, what a better way to prove people wrong, by letting out a few fish jokes!

Whether you have a love for all animals great and small, land or sea, or whether you’ve just got your first pet fish. These jokes are great for anyone, but especially children! 

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Q: What is a celebrity fish called? 

A: Starfish 

Q: Which fish are sure to go to heaven?

A: Angelfish 

Q: Who do fish pray to? 

A: Cod Almighty 

Q: Why did the woman make tons of fish-eye soup?

A: Because it will see her through the week 

Q: Why does an octopus almost always win a fight? 

A: Because he’s well armed 

Q: How does a school of fish keep up to date about sea life? 

A: They listen to the current news 

Q: Why did the fish get in trouble with his parents 

A: Because he was being too shellfish 

Q: Where do fish store their money 

A: In a river bank 

Q: How do you tuna fish? 

A: You adjust their scales 

Q: Where do fish store their money?

A: In a river bank 

Q: Why did the fish blush? 

A: Because he saw the boat’s bottom 

Q: Why did the fish get bad grades? 

A: Because it was below sea level 

Q: For fish astronauts, what’s the final frontier? 

A: Trouter space

Q: Why did the fish get bad grades? 

A: Because it was below sea level 

Q: Why did the teenage fish get in trouble at school? 

A: Because he was talking on his shell phone 

Q: What type of music is best to listen to while fishing? 

A: Something catchy 

Q: Where do sick fish go? 

A: To see a sturgeon 

Q: Why do fish almost always lose their court cases? 

A: They are always gill-ty 

Q: Why are fish so lucky? 

A: Because they seize every oppor-tuna-ty 

Q: Why can’t fish have romantic relationships?

A: They are scared of intima-sea 

Q: Why will fish never take responsibility? 

A: Because it’s always salmon else’s fault 

Q: What happens when you mix a fish and a banker? 

A: A loan shark 

Q: Why did the shopkeeper throw the clams out?

A: They were past their shell-by-date 

Q: What does telephone solicitor fish say when the person they’re calling picks up the phone? 

A: Cod I have a moment of your time 

Q: Why is it so easy to weigh a fish? 

A: Because they have their own scales 

Q: What did the dentist say to the super-anxious shark? 

A: Jaws relax 

Q: What type of instrument do fish love to play? 

A: A bass drum 

Q: What does the fish say when it’s had it “up to here?” 

A: That’s the last craw 

Q: How much money does Gill Gates have? 

A: A gillion dollars 

Q: Why are there no job openings at the fish company?

A: They’re scaling back 

Q: Who is the most famous fish spy? 

A: James Pond 

Q: How do you get an octopus to giggle?

A: Ten tickles 

Q: When do fish stage an intervention for a friend?

A: When they’ve hit rockfish bottom 

Q: How can you tell the puffer fish had too much salt at dinner? 

A: He’s looking blow-ted 

Q: Which fish has the worst haircut? 

A: The mullet 

Q: What did the waiter say when the man complained his fish tasted funny?

A: Sir, did you or did you not order the clownfish? 

Q: How can you tell the blowfish has been working out?

A: He looks extremely puff 

Q. What did the fish husband say to the fish wife when she asked him how she looked?

A: You look fin honey, now stop fishing for compliments 

Q. What did the introverted snail wish for more than anything?

A: That he could one day come out of his shell 

Q. Where do fish sleep? 

A: In the riverbed 

Q. What’s it called when a fish can’t carry a tune? 

A: They’re tuna-deaf 

Q. Why should you never fall in love with a blowfish? 

A: You’ll always get re-puffed 

Q. How many fish does it take to screw in a light bulb? 

A: They don’t. They can an electric eel 

Q. Why did the fisherman have to quit his job? 

A: His net income wasn’t enough 

Q: When you need a handyman, which fish do you call? 

A: The mantis shrimp because he has his own hammer 

Q. What country can every fish trace their roots back to? 

A: Finland 

Q. What’s the one fish that 40 percent of all Americans are afraid of? 

A: Clown fish 

Q: What is a fish’s least favourite activity?

A: Surfing the net 

Q. Who is the fish’s favourite celebrity? 

A: Ryan Seacrest 

Q. What did the magician say to the fisherman? 

A: Pick a cod, any cod! 

Q: What day do all fish dread?

A: Fry-day 

Q: I’ve been really into this show about fishing lately 

A: I think it’s because it has quite an amazing cast 

Q: Why was the shark so good at singing the blues?

A: He’s had sole 

Q. Where do lady fish keep their money when they’re out and about?

A: In an octurpurse 

Q: What is a fish’s favourite musical instrument? 

A: The bass drum 

Q: What’s the laziest fish in the world? 

A: A Kipper 

Q: What did the fish astronomer say?

A: The universe is infinite 

Q: Why did the fish get poor grades in school?

A: Because it was below sea level 

Q: Why did the shark cross the road? 

A: To get to the other tide 

Q. Where do fish sleep? 

A: In their water beds 

Q. What was the fish that stomped all over Japan?

A: Codzilla 

Q. What is the most important part of a fish’s diet? 

A: Plenty of vitamin sea 

Q. Why did the chef leave his job at the diner? 

A: He had bigger fish to fry 

Q: How do you make a fish chuckle? 

A: Tell a whale of a tale 

Q. What did the fish say when everyone left his house?

A: Tanks for coming 

Q. Where do fish astronauts go?

A: Into trouter space 

Q. What did the romantic fish want? 

A: A gill-friend 

Q. Why do fish never get married? 

A: They are scared of intimasea 

Q. Why did the fish blush? 

A: He saw the ocean’s bottom 

Q. Why is seafood healthy? 

A: It’s really good for your mussels 

Q: If you want something done right 

A: Don’t leave it to salmon else 

Q: Why did the restaurant have to throw the clams out? 

A: They were way past their shell-by-date 

Q: How do you reach out to a fish that you haven’t seen in a while? 

A: Just drop them a line 

Q. What is the best kind of song to listen to whilst fishing? 

A: Something catchy 

Q. What do you get if you cross a crab and a math teacher?

A: Snappy answers 

Q. What fish gets the most speeding tickets?

A: A motor pike 

Q. Why did the teenage fish get in trouble at school?

A: He was using his shell phone during class

Q: A fish got caught by a fisherman 

A: Now he’s in a boatload of trouble 

Q. How do seahorses move so quickly? 

A: They scallop 

Q: Who is always the employee of the month at the balloon factory? 

A: The blowfish 

Q. Who makes sure the ocean is clean and tidy? 

A: Mermaids 

Q. What kind of fish should you call if you need a ride somewhere? 

A: A seahorse 

Q. What warning did the fish teacher give to their student? 

A: I’m going to confishcate your phone if you keep using it in class 

Q. What do fish bring to work with them each morning? 

A: A reefcase 

Q. What’s another name for a smelly fish? 

A: A stink ray 

Q. Why do you never see fish running large companies? 

A: They prefer to operate on a smaller scale 

Q. What did the fish say when it swam into a big wall? 

A: Dam 

Q. What kind of seafood can you get in saunas? 

A: Steamed mussels 

Q. Have you ever met a shy fish? 

A: They are rather koi 

Q: Did you see the fish wearing the tuxedo? 

A: He looked very sofishticated 

Q: Why do fish swim in schools?

A: Because they can’t walk 

Q. Did you hear about the fish that got injured at the gym?

A: He pulled a mussle 

Q: What do you call a lazy crustacean? 

A: A slobster 

Q: What did the fish boss say to his employee?

A: Cod I borrow you for five minutes? 

Q: Why do companies run by fish never last long? 

A: They’re always needing to scale back 

Q: Why don’t sharks ever pay sticker price when they’re shopping?

A: Because they’re sale-fish 

Q: What did the employee say to his boss? 

A: I’ll dophinately have those reports on your desk by the end of the day 

Q: Who is the leader of the underwater transformers? 

A: Octopus Prime 

Q: Where do fish go to work? 

A: The offish 

Q: What does the Loch Ness monster eat? 

A: Fish-n-ships 

Q: What do you say to a fish when it’s getting upset?

A: You need to clam down 

Q: How do you get an octopus to laugh? 

A: Give it ten-tickles (tentacles)

Q. How do shellfish get to the hospital?

A: They get picked up by a clambulance 

Q: What do you call fish’s social media? 

A: Fishbook 

Q: What game to fish play at parties? 

A: Salmon says 

Q: Why was the fish such a valuable employee at the charity? 

A: He was reely good at findraising 

Q: What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 

A: Swimming trunks 

Q: Where are most fish found? 

A: Between their head and tail 

Q: What do you call a fish without an eye? 

A: Fsh 

Q: What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?

A: You can tune a piano, but you can’t tuna fish 

We hope you’ve enjoyed these fish jokes and managed to get a laugh out of a few friends and adults. We know that we laughed at them!