Anniversary Jokes 

By admin

It’s always a special time filled with a lot of love and laughter when it comes to anniversaries. It’s a time when you  can remember the good times and it’s always to celebrate them to the best of your ability.

We have a great way of remembering anniversaries by sharing these jokes which will cause a room to burst out laughing. 

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1.My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0-200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary. I bought her a scale. We’re still not speaking.

2. My battery died when I was recording my wife giving a toast at her parents’ 50th wedding anniversary. Now I’m never going to hear the end of it.

3. For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a small picture of me inside a pistachio. But that’s me in a nutshell. 

4. I bought my girlfriend a fridge for our anniversary. It isn’t the greatest gift, but it was special to see her face light up when she opened it. 

5. My family just celebrated the 200th anniversary of owning a buffalo farm. That’s right, it’s our bison-tennial 

6. I asked my wife if she’d like a new diamond ring to celebrate our anniversary. “Nothing would make me happier!” She replied. So I got nothing for her.

7. How do you remember your wedding anniversary? Forget it once 

8. Our anniversary is coming up. My wife told me that she would be happy if I get her something with lots of diamonds in it. She’s going to absolutely love this pack of playing cards.   

9. It’s our wedding anniversary today. My wife and I have been happily married for two years now. 1995 and 2009 

10. I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom. Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject. 

11. Why am I excited about my wedding anniversary trip? It’s going to be the trip of a wifetime. 

12. I asked my wife to cook me a Japanese meal for our anniversary. Sushi did. 

13. For their 50th anniversary, my parents went on vacation, but unfortunately, my Dad got really ill. When they got back, I asked, “Dad, what made you so sick in Hawaii?” He said, “Poi, son.”

14. My buddy said, “It’s me and my wife’s tenth wedding anniversary next weekend, so I thought we could go somewhere really nice together.” I replied, “Sounds good to me! What are you going to tell your wife though?” 

15. A woman awakes during the night to find her husband not in bed.

  • She puts on her robe and goes to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of hot chocolate in front of him. He appears deep in thought, just staring at the wall.
  • She watches as he wipes away tears. “What’s the matter?” she says as she steps into the room. The husband looks up and says, “It’s the 20th anniversary of the day we met.”
  • She can’t believe he remembered and she starts to tear up. The husband continues, “Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating? I was18 and you were only 15.”
  • Once again, the wife is touched thinking that her husband is being so sensitive. “Yes, I do”, she replies.
  • The husband pauses. “Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?” “Yes, I remember.” said the wife.
  • The husband continued. “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, either you marry my daughter or I will make sure you spend the next 20 years in prison?”
  • “I remember that too.” He sighed as he wiped another tear away and said, “I would’ve gotten out today.”

16. My girlfriend is in a band, and for our anniversary, I bought her a new drum kit. It’s a cymbal of love.

17. A married woman had a dream on the night before her anniversary.

  • She dreamed that her husband bought her a gift box.
  • Inside that box, was another box. Inside that box, was another box. Inside that box, was another box.
  • Inside the fourth box was a glistening diamond ring. When she woke up, she told her husband about the dream, wondering what it meant and if she was seeing the future.
  • That night, her husband bought her a gift box. Inside that box, was another box. Inside that box, was another box.
  • Inside that box, was another box. And inside the fourth box, was a book entitled “How to interpret dreams”. 

18. A priest celebrates his 25th anniversary as head of a small congregation in a small village in rural America.

  • The mayor was supposed to hold a speech at the beginning, but as always he had more important matters at hand and was late to show up.
  • So the priest started with his speech: “I know how disturbed I was 25 years ago when I came to this village.
  • The first man to confess, I will not name him, told me that he cheated on his wife and had 5 children with his love.”
  • As the priest came to an end, the mayor finally arrived and started his speech: “I still know I had the honor to be the first one to confess to Father Anderson.” 

19. An elderly couple are having an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.

  • The old man leans forward and says softly, “There is something I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our tenth child never quite looked like the rest of our children.
  • So, I must know, does he have a different father?” The wife drops her head and confessed, “Yes, he does.”
  • The old man says, with a tear in his eye, “Who? Who was he?”
  • The woman drops her head, getting ready to muster the courage, and then she finally says, “You”. 

20. They have a weekly husbands’ marriage seminar in St Peter’s Catholic Church in Toronto.

  • At the session, the priest asked John, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman for so long.
  • John replied, “Well, I’ve tried to treat her nice, and spend money on her. I took her to Italy for the 25th anniversary.”
  • The priest responded, “John, you are an inspiration. Please tell us what you’re planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?”
  • John proudly replied, “I’ve got to go and pick her up.” 

21. A man walks into a bar looking very sad.

  • The bartender says, “You look like you need a drink. What’s wrong?”
  • The man replied that it’s his 50th wedding anniversary.
  • He goes on to explain that he got his girlfriend pregnant when he was a teenager, and he added, “To make it worse, her father was a judge and told me if I didn’t marry his daughter, I would go to jail for 50 years. Today I could be a free man.” 

22. There’s a new pain reliever for wives that relieves the headache caused by a husband who never remembers an anniversary. It’s called “Jackasspirin.” 

23. On his 50th wedding anniversary, Henry Ford was asked his formula for a successful married life. He replied that it was the same way in which he made his automobile successful: “Stick to one model.” 

24. Wedding anniversaries are a time when men pause to reflect on what it was they did before they were married: Anything they wanted to. 

25. Card stores understand life. That’s why anniversary cards and sympathy cards are right next to each other.

26. It’s my and my husband’s first wedding anniversary today. I’m going to scare him by asking where he thinks the relationship is going. 

27. I’ve celebrated 20 years of marriage, and I did it the hard way: four men. 

28. An old man visits a wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for 0 years. The wizard says, “Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.” The old man says without hesitation, “I now pronounce you man and wife.” 

29. A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary.

  • A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
  • “Well, it dates back to our honeymoon,” explained the lady. “We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.
  • We hadn’t gone too far when my husband’s mule stumbled. My husband quietly said, “That’s it.”
  • We went a little further when the mule stumbled again. Once more, my husband quietly says, “That’s twice.”
  • We hadn’t gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My husband removed a revolver from his pocket and shot him.
  • I started to protest against his treatment of the mule when he looked at me and quietly said, “That’s once.” 

30. At the banquet of Tom and Susan’s 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a long marriage.

  • “Tell us, Tom, just what you’ve learned from all of those wonderful years with your wife.”
  • Tom responded, “Well, I’ve learnt that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and many other qualities you wouldn’t need if you stayed single.” 

31. It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

32. A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classifieds. “Wife wanted.” Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: “You can have mine.”

33. A young son asks, “Is it true, Dad. I heard that in some parts of Africa, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her?” The Dad replies, :That happens in every country, son.” 

34. Marriage is when a man and woman become one, the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. 

35. Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about how well his mother cooked. 

36. A spouse says, “Someone who’ll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn’t have had if you stayed single.” 

37. The Japanese have a word for it. It’s Judo – the art of conquering by yielding. The Western equivalent of Judo is, “Yes, dear.” 

38. Q. Why did the old man give a clock to his wife on their 50th wedding anniversary? A: There is no present like time. 

39. Q. Did you hear about the husband who gifted salt and pepper to his chef wife on their 25th wedding anniversary? A: She’s a seasoned professional now 

40. Q. How can a wife get her husband to do something? A: By proposing the new activity to him 

41. Q: What advice does a married man always give? A: Do not give your wife a ring every time you need to call her – just text. 

42. Q: What do you call people who get married online? A: Newly-web couple 

43. Q: What did the man do when his wife said. “For our 25th wedding anniversary, I want a big ring” A: He took her to a boxing match 

44. The psychiatrist gifted his wife joule-ty on their anniversary.

45. A couple met online and got married; they just clicked. 

46. The jewelery box I gave to my geologist wife for our wedding anniversary held a sentimental value. 

47. My wife got me flowers for our anniversary and surprised me. She really rose to the occasion. 

48. After telling my wife that our kids were spoiled, she said, “Nowadays, all the kids smell that way.” 

49. The deer couple held an event to celebrate five years of deer-votion.

50. The one man gave such an emotional speech on his 20th wedding anniversary that even the cake was in tiers. 

51. A pencil was really exciting the day before his marriage. He was finally going to meet his bride 2b.

52. Many years ago, two antennas got married. People say the marriage ceremony was fine, but the reception was fantastic. 

53. Q: What did the wife deer say to her husband when he forgot to bring her anniversary gift? A: You don’t even caribout me.

54. Q: Why did the bee decide to get married? A: Because he found his honey 

55. Q: Why was the moth attracted to the bride? A: Because she was glowing 

56. Q: What happened to the archaeologist couple’s marriage? A: The older they got, the more interesting it became

57. Q: Where did the king of heart marry the queen of hearts? A: On a cruise deck 

58. Q: What did the man say to his wrestler wife while gifting her a bouquet of her favorite flowers on their anniversary? A: I admire your rose-ilience 

59. Q: Why did the optometrist couple decide to marry each other? A: Because their relationship turned out to be an eye-opener for them 

60. Q: Who would throw the best wedding reception for the guests? A: The cellphones

61. Q: Why did the Nasa couple’s marriage work out so well? A: Because they gave each other much-needed space

62. Q: How did the spiny mammal couple celebrate their anniversary? A: They gave each other a hedge-hug 

63. Q: Why couldn’t the vampire see his wife on the day of the wedding? A: Because an open casket ceremony is much costlier 

64. Q: Why was the robot couple’s marriage ceremony scheduled to happen in the fall? A: Because they were autumn-mated 

65. Q: What gift did the spider wife want from her husband after 50 years together? A: A new webbing-ring 

66. Q: What was so special about the next weekend for the couple? A: It was Christmas, and they were getting merri-ed 

Whether it’s your anniversary or someone that you know, we hope that you’ve managed to have a laugh with these jokes, and we hope that whoever you share them with, also laughs just as loud.