If you know your grown ups like drinking coffee in the morning or afternoon and you want to make them laugh, then we have a good line up of jokes for you to use on them.
As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases. The links below may be affiliate links. Please read my disclosure policy for more information.
Q: What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?
A: Sanka
Q: What does the Cat in the Hat use to make his coffee?
A: A purr-colator
Q: What do you call sad coffee?
A: Despresso
Q: There is a time and a place for decaf coffee
A: Never, and in the trash
Q: I just read that every year adults spend more on coffee than they do on educating their children
A: How do they sleep at night?
Q: My teeth are stained, so the dentist asked me, “do you smoke or drink coffee?”
A: I told him I drink it
I went to the coffee shop and asked the barista how much a cup of coffee was. He said, “Two dollars and the refills are free.” I said, “Great, I’ll have a refill then.”
Q: What is the unofficial song for National Coffee Day?
A: Black Coffee in Bed
A guy walks into a cafe and orders a coffee to go. The coffee gets up and leaves.
Q: Where do college basketball players always get their coffee?
A: Dunkin’ Donuts
Q: Barista: How do you take your coffee?
A: Me: Very, very seriously
Q: Where does Santa and his reindeer go to get hot chocolate while flying in the sky?
A: Star-bucks
Someone stole my coffee cup from work today. I’m just off to the police station to look at a few mugshots.
Q: How do you discipline a coffee bean?
A: You ground it
I don’t think of it as losing an hour of sleep this weekend. I think of it as being an hour closer to coffee.
Q: Why do the Lakers have to drink their coffee black?
A: There is no more Kareem
I was on the phone to my wife and said, “I’m almost home, please put the coffee maker on.” After a twenty second pause, I asked, “Are you still there?” “Yeah” she replied, “But I don’t think the coffee maker wants to talk right now.
Q: Why don’t dementors drink coffee?
A: Because they hate Espresso Patronum
Ever notice that when you serve someone a cold cup of coffee it makes them boiling mad?
I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind
Q: What did the coffee addict say to his nurse?
A: I don’t have a problem with coffee. I have a problem without it.
Q: Did you know it’s a sin for a woman to make coffee?
A: It’s in the Bible. It says “He-brews”
When born, Arnold Schwarzenegger got a job serving spaghetti for a local coffee shop. He was known as the pasta barista baby
So, a cheerleader walks into a Starbucks and shouts, “gimme a tea!”
Don’t ever let anyone tell you fairy tales aren’t real. I wake up every morning to drink a potion made from magic beans that brings me back to life.
Q: How does Moses make his coffee?
A: Hebrews it
Drink coffee.. Do stupid things faster with more energy
Q: What did the coffee lover name his son?
A: Joe, obviously
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting in a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee please, with no cream.” The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, Monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”
Q: How are coffee beans like middle school kids?
A: They’re always getting grounded
Coffee has bean the grounds of many a heated and strong conversation
Drinking too much coffee can cause a latte problems
The tea and coffee are married, but the tea leaves. Does that give the coffee grounds for divorce?
Q: What are coffee shops in Russia called?
A: Tsarbucks
I just got myself a top of the range coffee maker. It has a lot of perks.
Q: What’s fat, hairy, and drinks a lot of coffee?
A: Java the Hut
A man went to his psychiatrist and complained that every time he drank coffee, he would get a stabbing pain in his right eye. The psychiatrist said, “Well, have you tried taking the spoon out?”
Q: How did the hipster burn his tongue?
A: He drank his coffee before it was cool
Q: Did you hear about the guy who put little G.I. Joe soldiers at the bottom of his coffee cup?
A: He’d heard that the best part of waking up, is soldiers in your cup
I drink so much coffee at work, I consider it part of my daily grind.
Q: What’s the difference between coffee and your opinion?
A: I asked for coffee
Q: What inspires a nurse to move at the speed of light?
A: A bed alarm or fresh coffee in the break room
Q: What did the coffee say after getting hit by an earthquake?
A: I’m shaken but not stirred
Q: What’s a shark’s favorite coffee shop?
A: Shark-bucks
Q: What do you call it when a cafe customer jokes about their coffee?
A: A brewhaha
Q: Where do birds go for coffee?
A: On a NESTcafe
My sister made me some coffee today. I said to her, “You make a mean cup of coffee.” She said, “It was good?” I replied, “I just said, it was average.”
Q: Why did the espresso keep checking his watch?
A: Because he was pressed for time
Q: What do lobsters drink in the morning?
A: Clawfee
If you spend too much time drinking coffee in the morning, you could be latte for work again.
Coffee is a silent victim in our house. It gets mugged every day.
The coffee tasted like dirt because it was ground a couple of minutes ago
Q: How do you make Pig Jerky?
A: Give them some coffee
Q: Why are Italians so good at making coffee?
A: Because they know how to espresso themselves
Q: What is the opposite of coffee (coughy)?
A: Sneezy
Q: How does an IT guy drink coffee?
A: He instals Java
Q: What’s a wizards favorite drink?
A: Espresso Patronum
The worst thing about being a giraffe is that your coffee gets cold by the time it reaches your belly.
Q: Why do I not like coffee?
A: It’s just not my cup of tea
I made my wife a cup of coffee today and she complained it tasted like dirt. I said, “That’s not surprising. It was just ground this morning.”
Q: How do sharks stay up all night?
A: They drink jaw-va
A yawn is just a silent scream for coffee
I visited a coffee shop where the wifi password was wedonthavewifi. It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
The barista at Starbucks looked so nervous as she handed me my coffee. I think she was scared because she spelled my name wrong, she wrong “callthecops”. I didn’t bother leaving her a tip.
Q: What did the one cappuccino say to their shy crush?
A: Espresso yourself
Q: Why is a bad cup of coffee the end of a marriage?
A: Because its grounds for divorce
Q: Knock knock
A: Who’s there? Q: Noah A: Noah who? Q: Noah good joke about coffee?
Q: What do you call a mother cow who has just given birth?
A: De-calfinated
Q: What do you call a skater who likes Starbucks?
A: A coffee grinder
Q: What’s the perfect thing to say to a coffee-lover on Valentines day?
A: Words cannot espresso what you mean to me
Q: What’s it called when you steal someone’s coffee?
A: Mugging
Q: Knock knock
A: Who’s there? Q: June A: June who? Q: June know how to tell a good coffee knock-knock joke?
Q: Why did the kangaroo stop drinking coffee?
A: It made him too jumpy
Q: Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
A: It makes them viperactive
Q: Why should you avoid discussing coffee around sensitive people?
A: It can lead to a really heated, strong debate.
Q: I’m about to have a dangerous cup of coffee
A: Safe tea first, though
Q: What did the caffeine addict name his cats?
A: Cream and sugar
This morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. After 15 minutes of driving on the highway, I realized I left my car at home
Q: How is divorce like an espresso?
A: It’s expensive and bitter
Q: What competition do the best coffee makers try to win?
A: The coffee cup
Q: What do you call the feeling that you’ve had this coffee before?
A: Deja-Brew
Q: When do mechanics drink coffee?
A: When they are on a brake
Q: How often do coffee lovers think about coffee?
A: They think about it a latte
Q: What type of coffee do vampires drink?
A: Decoffinated
Q: Which Beatles song is the best to listen to when drinking coffee?
A: Latte Be
Q: What did the police say when a coffee bean fell from the desk to the floor?
A: She passed away without pain. It was instant
Q: How do cups greet each other?
A: With mugs and kisses
Q: What did the Brazillian coffee say to the Indonesian coffee?
A: What’s Sumatra with you?
Q: What do coffee beans say on Valentines?
A: You keep me grounded
Q: What did the coffees say before their night out?
A: Let’s stir up some trouble
Q: What’s a barista’s favorite exercise at the gym?
A: The french press
We hope that you’ve managed to make your friends and family laugh at these coffee jokes. We definitely had a great time writing them for you.
