A father asked readers of Reddit’s Am I The A**hole (AITA) for advice on whether he was unreasonable in leaving his son’s wedding early. The dad spoke of his son Alan’s marriage to his wife Helen, whom he “loves very much.” He gave readers a little background by saying while he was looking forward to seeing his son get married, he is not very friendly and does not like big parties.
The Wedding Was Going to Be a Downer
When Alan told his dad that there would be around 150 people at the wedding, the OP was deflated as he knew it would be a tough day. Preempting how he would feel on the day, the dad told his son that he would probably leave early so the family would take two cars so the others could stay.
Alan Was Not Very Happy
While Alan did not seem to care too much about his dad’s departure when he first told him, things started to change on the wedding day. The mood changed when the OP declared he was leaving after the ceremony, much to Alan’s surprise. Alan asked his dad to at least stay for food and cake and could not quite believe his dad would leave so soon.
The Food Did Not Look Appetizing
The OP explained that the food did not look very nice, so he insisted that he would leave after complimenting the couple on how good the venue looked. The son’s response to his dad’s behavior was, “alright whatever just go,” to which he did.
Mom Left Too
When the OP told his wife he was leaving, she said she didn’t want to drive back alone, so they left their son’s wedding together. To be fair to the OP’s mom, she fought, but in the end, she was not looking forward to the long journey home alone.
Alan’s Wife Was Disgusted
Two days after the wedding, Alan’s parents started to receive messages from Helen to say that she was disgusted by their behavior at the wedding. Helen said they were terrible parents and could not understand why they behaved the way they did at the wedding.
Helen Was Told Off
The OP explained how annoyed he was that Helen was so “sickening” and had to “tell her off” for speaking to her in-laws the way she did. Helen did not listen and said that the couple had “ruined their wedding” as Alan was distraught for the duration of the wedding.
He Informed Alan About His Wife’s Temper
Rather than back off, Alan’s dad called him to tell him how his wife had an anger problem that he should watch out for. Instead of saying, “thanks Dad”, Alan started criticizing his dad for behaving the way he had been and asked to be left alone.
He Felt Justified in His Actions
The fact that he warned Alan way ahead of the wedding that he would be leaving early was justification in the OP’s eyes. There were mixed reactions when the OP asked AITA readers if they felt his actions were justified. Very quickly, people rushed to the defense of the happy couple, saying, “YTA you didn’t even stay for the meal that they’d paid for. What an absolutely disgusting lack of love and respect from you as a parent.”.
Stepping Into The Son’s Shoes
Another person commented on what they thought the son would have been thinking, saying, “I wonder if that’s why the son didn’t seem bothered by that at first. He probably thought they would at least be there for a little bit before leaving, not leave as quickly as possible.” Another reader concurred, saying, “Yeah, leaving early after YOUR SON’S WEDDING means leaving after the stuff like the mother/son dance before the party gets started.” It seems that a lot pf people thought the OP was treating his son’s wedding like it was the wedding of a long-lost relative that he barely see.
A Tiny Bit of Sympathy
There was a little sympathy for the father’s anxiety, but overall, people thought more effort could have been made. Most people thought that leaving early meant an hour or two before the end of the party, not before the food and speeches. One reader summed up the thoughts of many by saying, “YOU caused all this by valuing yourself and your desires above your own son on the biggest day of his life.” Another concurred: ” He left his son’s wedding after the ceremony and thought that this event and his invite was about him.”
There will be a lot of work to get things back to how they were before the wedding. Judging by the father’s behavior, it doesn’t look like the father will put much effort into reconciliation.
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