The jokes that come with being a pirate are hilarious, and if you have a child or friends that enjoy the thought of a pirate’s lifestyle and want a laugh with it, look no further!
The kids will get a kick out of telling these jokes, whether they laugh so much they can’t finish the joke properly, or they have a room full of eye-rolling adults.
Having a laugh is medicine, and it has a massive psychological benefit. It’s contagious and even if the joke is no good, it can still send a room full of people into fits of laughter by how bad it is.
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Q: What did the ocean say to the pirate?
A: Nothing, it just waved
Q: Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
A: Because they’ll just wash up on shore later
Q: What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A: A rookie
Q: Why is pirating so addictive?
A: They say once you lose your first hand, you get hooked
Q: What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
A: 8 pirates
Q: How do pirates know that they are pirates?
A: They think, therefore they ARRRRG!!!
Q: How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheaply?
A: He bought it on sail
Q: What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
A: He got marooned
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?
A: A buck-an-ear
Q: What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
A: One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy
Q: What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck
Q: What does a dyslexic pirate say?
Q: Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
A: Because they can spend years at C
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A: A carrot
Q: How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?
A: An arm and a leg
Q: Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?
A: Because he was standing on the deck
Q: Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
A: Right where you left him
Q: How do you turn a pirate furious?
A: Take away the “p”
Q: How do pirates prefer to communicate?
A: Aye to aye
Q: What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?
A: Aye matey years old
Q: What does a vegan pirate do in jail?
Q: What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
A: Captain Hooky
Q: What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
A: I, I, R, and the seven C’s
Q: What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A: A pumpkin patch
Q: What’s a pirate’s favourite type of exercise?
A: The plank
Q: Why are pirates so angry when they come back from the toilet?
A: After the p has gone, they become irate
Q: Why did the pirate have to go to the apple store?
A: To get a new Ipatch
Q: Why did the pirate pull out of the stock market?
A: Because he was in shark-invested waters
Q: What’s the name of the world’s most frugal pirate?
A: Barry D. Treasure
Q. How come only the pirate with the eyepatch was able to make it to shore?
A: Because it was one island
Q: Did you hear about the one-handed pirate who heard a rumour that a group of skunks were going to sink his ship?
A: He fell for it hook, line and stinker
Q: Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?
A: Because the captain was standing on the deck
Q: What do pirates wear when it gets really cold?
A: Long Johns
Q: What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
A: Robin Hook
Q: What did the pirate say when he left his wooden leg in the freezer?
A: Shiver me timbers
Q. What’s a pirates favourite letter of the alphabet?
Q: What do you call 3.14 men out at sea?
Q: Have you heard any good pirate jokes?
A: Well, neither have ayyyyyyye.
Q: Why didn’t the pirate go to the movies?
A: Because it was rated AAAARGH
Q: Doctor doctor, why do I feel like everyone keeps talking to me like a pirate?
A: Because they argh!
Q: Which two football teams were at the finals of the pirate Superbowl?
A: The Buccaneers and the Seahawks
Q: What do you get if you cross a pirate and a tropical fruit?
Q: A pirate and a sailor were exchanging stories.
A: The sailor pointed to the pirate’s peg leg and asked, “How did you get that?”
Q: Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?
A: Because booty is only shin deep
Q: Why did the pirate go on holiday?
A: He was in serious need of some Aaaaaar and Aaaaaar
Q: Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching the TV series?
A: Because he was hooked!
Q: What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
A: A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.
Q: What’s a pirate’s favourite subject?
Q: What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?
A: Aye matey!
Q: What’s a pirates worst enemy?
Q: Which Star Wars character do pirates like the most?
Q: What did one pirate say to another during a game of hide and seek?
A: I sea you!
Q: What did the sea police say when they arrested the pirate?
A: You’re under a chest
Q: What’s a pirates favourite kind of fish?
A: A GOLDfish
Q: Why was the pirate strolling through the park dragging a piece of wood behind him tied to some string?
A: Because the captain had told him to walk the plank
Q: What do you call a pirate’s hairstyle?
A: A crewcut
Q: Why did the pirate cross the road?
A: To get to the second hand shop
Q: What did the pirate say to his girlfriend?
A: You are perfect just the way you ARRRRR!
Q: Why did the pirate go to college?
A: He wanted to become an ARRRRchitect!
Q: Knock knock
A: Who’s there?
A: Garden who? I’m garden the treasure
Q: What’s a pirates favourite fish?
A: A swordfish
Q: What was the pirate boxer’s biggest strength?
A: His left hook
Q: Where are American pirates from?
Q: Why did two pirates get into an argument?
A: Because they couldn’t see aye to aye
Q: What do pirates do for fun?
A: They love to pARRRRRty!
Q: What’s a pirate’s favourite type of exercise?
A: The plank
Q: What’s the best name for a pirate dog?
Q: What gym did the pirate visit?
A: Gold’s gym
Q: What did the pirate’s parrot say when it fell in love with a duck?
A: Polly wants a ‘quacker’
Q: What’s a pirate’s favourite country?
Q: Where do pirates park their ships?
A: In the harrrrrrrbor
Q: How do you save a drowning pirate?
A: With C-P-ARRRRR!
Q: Where do pirates go when they need to use the bathroom?
A: The poop deck
Q: What grades did the pirates get in school?
A: High C’s
Q: What’s a pirates favourite letter?
A: The letter RRRRRRR
Q: What’s a pirate’s favourite brand of cereal?
A: Captain crunch
Q: What was the parrot’s favourite game?
A: Hide and speak
Q: Why was it so hard to call the pirate on the phone?
A: Because he left the phone off the hook
Q: Who was the most famous pirate octopus of the seas?
A: Captain Squid
Q: How does a pirate, who wears an eye patch, say “Yes” to the captain?
A: He says, “Eye Eye, Captain.”
Q: What does Santa say while visiting pirates?
A: He says, “Row row row”
Q: What is a pirate’s most favourite doll?
Q: What was the name of the pirate’s girlfriend?
Q: Which instrument do pirates love in music class?
A: The guitaaaarrrrrrr
Q: What’s a pirate’s favourite movie?
A: Booty and the Beast
Q: Why did the pirate give up playing golf?
A: Because he kept hooking the ball
Q: Where’s a pirate’s favourite place to eat breakfast?
Q: What do you call a pirate’s one true love?
A: His soulmatey!
Q: What do you get when you cross a pirate’s parrot with a shark?
A: An animal that can talk your head off
Q: What is a pirates favourite colour?
Q: Which famous pirate caught the most fish?
A: Captain Hook
Q: How did the pirate stop computer hacks?
A: He installed a patch
Q: Why do pirates always win Halloween dance contests?
A: They know how to shake their booties
We hope that you have been in fits of laughter reading or hearing these classic pirate jokes!