An excited mom-to-be looked to Reddit’s Am I The A**hole (AITA) to air her feelings about the pressure she was getting from her stepmom. The woman explained that she is part of a Facebook group for expectant parents, and there was recently a post asking if people would find their mom being present at their birth comforting.
The Woman’s Mom Has Passed
The woman responded to the post that she would have had her mom with her at the birth if she were still alive. Somehow, the woman’s stepmom saw her comment and replied that she would be happy to be at the birth as one of her mom’s. Replying, the woman said that is not what she meant.
Her Stepmom Was Embarrassed
When the two women saw each other a few days later, the stepmom confronted her about what she had said on social media. The OP said her stepmom felt embarrassed, but she told her that she did not intend to make her feel bad; she just wanted her to know that she did not want her at the birth. She was only saying that she wished her mom could be present.
The Answer Was Still “No”
Despite putting pressure on the OP to say yes, the stepmom kept asking to be present at the birth. The stepmom told the OP she was “ blessed with two moms, and sometimes I act as though I only have one.” No doubt, this type of pressure only made the woman feel worse, and it had her reflecting on her relationship with her stepmom.
Her Mom Died When She Was 6
The woman explained that her mom died when she was six, and her dad remarried when she was 8. Even at a young age, the woman only saw her stepmom as her dad’s wife and had never seen her as her mom all these years later. She told readers her dad stayed out of things and did not take the issue to court as he knew his daughter would say no to being officially adopted by her stepmom.
She Was a Good Stepmom
Despite not seeing her as a mom, the OP said that her stepmom did an excellent job of helping her dad raise her, alongside her four brothers that her dad and stepmom had together. She did, however, say that while she was not prevented from keeping her mom’s memory alive, her stepmom didn’t exactly encourage it and often competed against her dead mom. The OP also believes her stepmom wants to be at the birth so severely that she does not have a daughter.
She is Honoring Her Mom and Mother-in-Law
The woman explained that her stepmom seems annoyed that she will be honoring her mom and MIL by naming her child, which links to them both, yet she is not acknowledged at all. She is piling on the guilt to say she will not be called Grandma despite being the woman’s “greatest advocate.” Despite the stepmom begging the woman to acknowledge their daughter/mom relationship, the OP reiterated that she would not be at the birth. Unhappy at this decision, the stepmom told her she could at least delete the embarrassing Facebook comments.
You Cannot Help How You Feel
Readers were quick to support the woman, with one person saying, “You feel the way you feel, and she needs to accept that and move on.” Another said “You are absolutely right to feel however you feel. She needs to catch a clue. You would think after so many years she’d learn how to listen.”
The Woman’s Comfort is Key
Many readers focused on the fact that regardless of how others feel, it is about the mom being happy when giving birth. One person said, “Giving birth isn’t exactly some walk-in-the-park activity, so the mother’s comfort takes priority over all else.” Another person agreed, saying “
Her Dad Should Have Supported Her More
Eagle-eyed readers picked up on the fact that the OP’s dad should have offered more support. One person said, “I’m sorry your dad refuses to support you like a parent should. I’m sure it’s not the first time.” It does, indeed, seem like it is not the first time Dad has taken a back seat, as the OP told of him not wanting to get too involved with the request for adoption when his wife dies and seemingly not standing up to his wife.
Some People Did Empathize with the Stepmom
While agreeing that it is a woman’s choice who she has at birth, some empathy was expressed for the stepmom. One AITA regular said, “So many posts involve evil stepparents; at least OP’s stepmom wanted and loved OP…though tried too hard.” Another person said the stepmom’s “behavior is misguided but ultimately kind.”
Regardless of the empathy that people have for the stepmom and different thoughts as to what they would do in the same situation, readers agreed that what the mom wants, she should get.
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