I breastfed three gorgeous little humans to varying degrees of success and for varying lengths of time. The journeys were not always easy, and I was very lucky to get support from other moms and lactation consultants.
It is amazing some of the things you hear from other mamas, partners, and even strangers.
Especially when they are doing their best to put a smile on your face while your eyes are streaming, your nipples are bleeding, and you haven’t slept properly for goodness knows how long.
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There are plenty of inspirational quotes you can wheel out but really, I just love to laugh and so here’s a few memorable things I’ve heard or seen about breastfeeding which have made me smile.
Funny celebrity quotes about breastfeeding
- “Though breastfeeding is supposed to be the most natural thing ever, it seems like a rich person sport for all the stuff we buy to help” – Cassi Clark
- “Heaven is the feeling of hand warmers on sore nipples.” – Cassi Clark
- “People say, ‘You’re still breastfeeding, that’s so generous.’ Generous, no! It gives me boobs and it takes my thighs away! It’s sort of like natural liposuction. I’d carry on breastfeeding for the rest of my life if I could.”- Helena Bonham Carter
- “If anything else woke up every 45 minutes during the night demanding to see my wife’s breasts, you kill it.” —Ryan Reynolds
- “Human milk is like ice cream, penicillin and the drug ecstasy all wrapped up in two pretty packages.” – Florence Williams
- “As a breastfeeding mother, you’re basically just meals on heels.” – Kathy Lette
- “There are three reasons for breastfeeding: the milk is always at the right temperature; it comes in attractive containers and the cat can’t get it.” – Irena Chalmers
- “If we wear our nursing covers backwards like capes, then everyone can see we’re breastfeeding superheroes.” – Cassi Clark
- “My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard.” – David Allen
- “Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman’s breasts; it enhances their charm by making them look lived in and happy.” – Robert A. Heinlein
- “Breast Feeding should not be attempted by fathers with hairy chests, since they can make the baby sneeze and give it wind.” – Mike Harding
- “An ounce of breast milk is even more potent than the finest tequila.” – Tori Amos
- “There must be reasons why we men are so hipped on breasts as if we’d all been weaned too soon.” – Günter Grass
- “I feel like a milk maid, but it is worth it.” — Miranda Kerr
- “If you have milk, you have milk, and if they’re hungry, they’re hungry.” — Salma Hayek
- “Nursing gives you superhuman powers” – Gwen Stefani
- “They do say breastfeeding is nature’s lipo.” – Ana Ortiz
- “…when people say that breastfeeding is ‘free,’ I want to hit them with a two-by-four. It’s only free if a woman’s time is worth nothing.” – Hanna Rosin
- “We all have nipples. I don’t care who I offend; my baby wants to eat.” – Selma Blair
- “It gets better and better and better and better. Every cliché is true. Your nipples will heal. Your boobs will not.” — Brooklyn Decker
Anonymous or unknown funny quotes about breastfeeding:
- “You know you are a breastfeeding mom when you decide what to wear based on how easily accessible your breasts will be.” – unknown
- “Breasts are for the bedroom and breastfeeding. Not for any occasions requiring dignity.” – unknown
- “Breastfeeding is 90% determination and 10% milk production.” – unknown
- “I’ve been feeling letdown about breastfeeding.” – unknown
- “If breastfeeding is sexual than a bottle is a dildo.” – unknown
- “Everyone knows, if boobs were meant for men they’d be filled with beer not milk.” – unknown
- “My husband and I share the load. I breastfeed because he can’t, and he sleeps because I can’t.” – unknown
- “Breast milk is better than any udder milk.” – unknown
- “Never cry over spilt milk, unless it’s breastmilk, in which case cry a lot.” – unknown
- “Don’t bite the boob that feeds you.” – unknown
- “Never nurse a kid who wears braces.” – unknown
- “If men could breastfeed they’d make it an Olympic sport.” – unknown
- “Trying to loose weight while breastfeeding is like trying to loose weight brushing your teeth with chocolate.” – unknown
- “You know you’re a mom when sitting on the toilet while breastfeeding and eating a sandwich is just your everyday normal.” – unknown
- “I am adding breastfeeding to my resume. It says a lot about my work ethic and my ability to meet challenges.” – unknown
- “If my breastfeeding offends you, feel free to put a blanket over your head.” – unknown
- “You will never know fear until you’ve put your nipple in the mouth of a teething baby.” – unknown
- “Becoming a mother means that your baby is the one up all night drinking, but you still get to be hungover the next day.” – unknown
- “Milk, milk, lemonade, around the back chocolate’s made.” – unknown
- Parent to her friend: “I’m exhausted. I was up with the baby until 4 a.m.” Friend: “It’s probably not good to keep a baby up that late.” – unknown
- “Working moms bring home the bacon and the milk.” – unknown
- “It’s not like I’m cooking. I am breastfeeding. I feel like that’s the best cooking I can do.” – unknown
- “Did you hear that news story where a woman assaulted a police officer by spraying breast milk at him? Her attorney should get a not-guilty verdict using the First Amendment. She was exercising her freedom of expression!” – unknown
- “If research showed that breastfeeding was anti-aging, everyone would do it.” – unknown
- “My friend opened the fridge and a bag of pumped breast milk fell out. “Oh, sorry,” I said. “The fridge is boobie-trapped!” – unknown
- “What kind of batteries does a breast pump use? Double d’s!”- unknown
- “Pumping sucks.” – unknown
Funny breastfeeding quotes my friends have said:
- “The Amazon courier looked a bit startled when I opened the door. Turns out I had a boob hanging out. Oh well, just another day.” – anonymous friend
- “He’s not crying, he’s looking for the menu.” – anonymous friend
- “If I drink the prosecco will my milk fizz?” – anonymous friend
- “Being in public and hearing a baby cry is like being an unwitting participate in a wet t-shit competition.” – anonymous friend
- “I am mama, hear me moo.” – anonymous friend
- “Challenge, while we’re feeding – first baby to poop wins.” – anonymous friend
- “If breastfeeding were easy, men would be doing it.” – anonymous friend
- “Don’t hug too hard, my boobs may explode.” – anonymous friend
- “Today marks ten months since I first told my husband that it’s dangerous for breastfeeding mothers to change the litter box – I wonder how long I can get away with it? – anonymous friend
- “Cut your finger? Just squirt breastmilk on it. Seems to be the cure for everything else.” – anonymous friend
- “I can tell which one to use, it’s the boob that’s twice the size of the other.” – anonymous friend
- “Can you believe I can’t find any sexy maternity bras.” – anonymous friend
- “I’d love to feel so relaxed that I could poop myself at dinner.” – anonymous friend
- “My boobs have sagged so much I could toss them over my shoulders.” – anonymous friend
- “If research showed that lactating made your dick bigger, all men would be trying to feed their babies.” – anonymous friend
- “Breastfeeding: Making boobs unsexy since birth.” – anonymous friend
- “The baby loves it when I feed him in Starbucks. It’s his favorite place to poop all over me.” – anonymous friend
- “It looks like he’s thinking, hum, where shall I go for lunch, left boob or right.” – anonymous friend
- “If I get my boob out here, I’m genuinely concerned that my milk will shoot across the café.” – anonymous friend
- “Mastitis is like having a pair of hot water bottles strapped to your chest, but instead of water it’s boulders and instead of a lovely feeling of warmth, it’s like wanting to die.” – anonymous friend
- “I need to drink so much water, I might as well get it intravenous.” – anonymous friend
- Me “Literally can’t remember the last time I washed.” My friend “I’d guess at least three days.” – anonymous friend
- “These hormones, it’s like a day out at six flags.” – anonymous friend
- “Netflix and chill? Netflix and coma.” – anonymous friend
- “I can’t remember my breasts before they were udders” – anonymous friend
- “My nipples seem to be producing more blood than milk.” – anonymous friend
- “If I have another baby, remind me to bottle feed.” – anonymous friend
Quotes said by no breastfeeding women ever:
- “I found breastfeeding instantly easy and enjoyable!”
- “Sleeping on my front again is entirely possible and so comfortable.”
- “With my boobs this enlarged I feel so sexy.”
- “What a lovely selection of maternity bras.”
- “I just love it when he pulls away with my nipple between his gums.”
- “The bleeding just means it’s working.”
- “I’ve got all the time in the world.”
- “No cake please, I’ve got enough energy.”
- “Pumping is just so relaxing.”
- “The buttons on my shirt are supposed to gape. It’s the latest fashion.”
- “I can’t wait to watch you sleep while I’m awake feeding the baby.”
- “I know we’re late, I’ll just feed the baby, it’ll be very quick.”
- “These extra hormones are just great for the skin.”
- “Breastfeeding in a restaurant is so convenient.”
- “I’ll just take a bit of me time and have a nice long hot bath.”
- “I can’t wait until he starts teething.”
- “Eating my meal while breastfeeding is super convenient.”
- “I just love pumping at the office”
- “He just loves it when I take him off the breast and put him down in the crib.”
- “Getting my breast out in public is such fun.”
- “Oops, spilt some of the milk while transferring it into the freezer bag. Never mind.”
- “Pump and dump sounds like a great use of my time.”
- “I’m avoiding screen time.”
- “I feel so energetic.”
- “After all this time, I’m looking forward to getting my period back.”
- “Please stare.”