Woman Branded Selfish for Not Allowing Her Stepson to Live With Her Family

By Emma Williams

A woman looked to Reddit’s Am I The A**hole (AITA) for support after encountering an issue with her soon-to-be husband. The concerned mom of two explained that she was marrying a man who had a 12-year-old son from a previous relationship while she had two sons aged 10 and 5. 

Her Stepson Wants to Move In

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The couple’s issue is that her fiance’s son has asked if he could move in with them after the wedding so he can enjoy being part of a “genuine family dynamic.” While her fiance is happy for his son to move in with them and experience what it’s like to live with siblings, the OP is not so happy. The woman explained to readers that her reticence about him moving in with them was due to her experiences of him being with them at the weekend. 

He Has a “Strained” Relationship with Her Youngest

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One of the main reasons that she doesn’t want her stepson to live with them is that he doesn’t seem to get along with her youngest son. She says he leaves him out of activities and is reluctant to help him do things such as go to the bathroom when they are out at the park. The woman also said that her stepson has an “excessive competitive streak,” particularly with her older son, who he taunts when he is victorious against him. 

She Finds the Atmosphere Uncomfortable

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With her stepson clashing with her sons when he stays, the woman said that she finds the atmosphere uncomfortable, which goes against the nurturing environment she wants to create. The woman went on to say that her main concern over her stepson was that he seemed to be struggling academically and experiencing behavioral difficulties. Overall, the OP worries about the “negative influence” the stepson would have over her two children.

Her Husband Is Dismissive

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The OP’s husband believes that his son is showing typical behavior for his age and that his behavior will improve with the proper support and guidance. The stepson also got support from the woman’s mother who told her that she needed to give him a chance as being in a stable family environment would help him. 

Readers United in Their Dislike

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Not many people had good things to say about the woman. Many readers commented that she was wrong to think of her stepson this way. The woman was urged to think of the big picture, with one person saying “You’re marrying his father so you should start considering him as your son as well.”

Time Is Precious

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One astute reader figured that the child needs time to settle into his new family life, asking, “How does OP expect the relationship between the kids to get any better if they don’t spend time together? “. There were also a lot of comments saying that this is exactly how their children behave with one another, especially older children not wanting to help out younger children. Another stressed that she shouldn’t be too worried about the rivalry between the older kids, saying, “he is a 12-year-old single child getting two new brothers, one of which is close to him in age. Of course, he’ll be competitive.”

Others Will Influence Her Sons

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It was pointed out that other people, besides her stepson, likely influenced the woman’s children. One reader reflected on the fact that “ she thinks a child not being very bright academically is going to have a negative influence on her son” saying that it does not make any sense. This person asked if she expects all kids in her sons’ classes to get straight A’s. 

They Should Seek Therapy

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Many readers showed empathy towards the stepson, with one person commenting “behavioral challenges can easily stem from the fact he is experiencing this split-family situation. They should definitely do family counseling, though, if they all move in together.” This advice was echoed by many other AITA fans who just wanted the best for the whole family. 

The Woman Pleads Her Case

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After receiving many negative comments, the woman stressed that she was not bad and had never mistreated her stepson. She also admitted that she was being overprotective of her children and failed to see how the stepson would feel about his dad’s new family. The woman did try to explain her concerns about her kids being bullied but conceded that being part of their family could help improve his behavior. 

There Was an Amicable Resolution

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After reading feedback online and speaking with her husband, the woman has accepted that her stepson will be loving with them. She finished her edited comment by saying she would have to navigate the custody process and look for a larger house to accommodate an extra child.

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