Restaurant Roulette: 14 Dishes with Shockingly High Calorie Counts

By Krystal Brown

Our list may include your favorite dish or even a light jab at your beloved restaurant. Just take it all in good faith, we are the good guys here. 

Uno’s Vegetable Pizza, 2330 Calories

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When ordering pizza, a good rule of thumb is to avoid skipping the meat toppings in favor of the (apparently) healthier choice of adding vegetables. After all, many pizzas aren’t particularly unhealthy because of the toppings. This is particularly clear at Uno’s, where the rich dish “farmers market vegetable” pizza costs $2.30 and has 2,330 calories.

Pb&C Shake From Coldstone Creamery, 2010 Calories

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Given that it takes deliberate effort to produce even one drink this harmful, this almost feels like some kind of cruel joke.

O’Charley’s Rib Rack, 2914 Calories

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2,000 calories per day is a fair amount. 2,000 calories is less than ideal for a meal. 2,000 calories for one order is rather concerning. What else is there for us to do but watch in stunned terror as O’Charley’s complete rack of ribs, which comes with fries and slaw and has a calorie count of 2,914 overall?

Bloomin’ Onion, 1948 Calories

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Given how incredibly unhealthy these are, I want to claim I’ll never eat one of these again, but I’m more likely to do so. Let’s go.

Peanutty Swirl, 1950 Calories

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If you think a single meal satisfying your daily calorie requirement is amazing, try doing it in a single drink. Even though Sonic’s milkshakes are already packed with calories, its peanutty swirl with Snickers master blast is the creamiest. The large size has 1,950 calories and 119 grams of fat and is made out of vanilla ice cream combined with peanut butter and Snickers bits.

Venti White Chocolate Mocha, 620 Calories

Iced Coffee
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A morning cup of coffee, which has more calories, glucose, and saturated oils than the majority of other practical foods, is one of the best ways to start the day. Even though we know that consuming calories is one of the stupidest things we can do, we nevertheless continue to Instagram our pictures of Starbucks liquid butter.

Famous Dave’s BBQ, 2770 Calories 

Man with Barbecue Tongs
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Famous Dave’s nutrient profile looks just like the world’s scrolling numbers in The Matrix. 2,770 calories are contained in one sampler plate. The 60-piece chicken wing dishes (yep, sixty) contain thousands upon thousands of calories. You could argue, however, that those are at least intended to be shared, so you’re not truly ingesting as many as you may assume.

Chicken Caesar Salad, 870 Calories

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Can we simply agree to permanently banish chicken Caesar salad from the “healthy food club”? Let’s stop the charade as we all understand that it is not a healthy dietary choice.

On The Border’s Border Sampler, 2180 Calories

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Sampler meals are a true calorie minefield. For example, On the Border’s sampler is considered to be an appetizer. The Border sampling includes small chicken chimis, fajita steak nachos, and chicken quesadillas. In addition, the sampler has a whopping 2,180 calories, as well as high levels of salt, fat, and carbohydrates, according to On the Border.

Chicken Fried Steak At Ihop, 1850 Calories

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IHOP is a complete mess. This meal, along with the calories it carries, is a total mess. This is not something anyone should consume at any time, much less first thing in the morning. (Waffle House is still great).

Chicken Carbonara Pasta From Cheesecake Factory, 2570 Calories

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When it involves calorie intake, The Cheesecake Factory is a terrific culprit. This list could have simply been created using only the things on their menu. However, their pasta carbonara deserves special note because it boasts an astounding 2,570 calories with chicken and 2,410 calories without.

Meatball Marinara Sub From Subway, 560 Calories

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We need to talk about the sodium concentration in this, which is 1590 milligrams, or almost 70% of the daily recommended amount. I realize this list has probably led us to believe that this isn’t that bad, comparatively speaking. Also, if you want to buy a meatball sub, visit a legitimate sandwich store.

Country-Fried Steak And Eggs From Bob Evans, 2260 Calories

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While Bob Evans may advocate farmyard values and excellence as their culinary ethics, their menu is far from your average farm in terms of calories. The country-fried steak, served with grits, fried eggs, sausage, and toast on the side, is one notorious culprit. Overall, that amounts to 2,260 calories (and far over your daily recommended amounts of fat, cholesterol, and salt), which should be burned off with a little more than a full working day’s worth of walking.

Romano’s Meatballs And Spaghetti, 2270 calories

Happy Couples in Love
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The spaghetti and meatballs from Romano’s Macaroni Grill are served with meat sauce, which is yet another disgrace for pasta. The only item on the menu that exceeds 2,000 calories is the spaghetti and meatballs, which manages to do it with relative ease by clocking in at 2,270 calories. Surprisingly, the version served with a tomato-based sauce has 1,430 calories, which means that the meat stew alone accounts for over 800 of those calories.