A young mother sought advice on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole (AITA) forum, questioning whether her decision to resist changing her son’s name might jeopardize his inheritance. Providing context to her situation, she shared that she conceived during her gap year travels at the age of 19, with her partner, 23 at the time. Despite initially enjoying their time together, the man lost interest upon learning about the pregnancy.
The Woman Did Not Want to Terminate
Despite the unexpected nature of the pregnancy, the pro-choice woman wanted to keep the baby despite her partner’s unwillingness. After giving birth to their son, the woman claimed child support, which took a long time to secure. Initially, the man fought having to pay for the child, and he even asked for a paternity test.
The Child’s Grandparents Are Well Off
While the child’s father reluctantly paid for his son, his parents supported the original poster (OP). The child’s grandparents provided regular gifts and genuinely appeared to love him. The grandparents even helped the OP when she was struggling through university and paid for the mom and child to vacation with them to spend time together. While the adults dislike each other, they get along for the child’s sake.
The Father Died
The woman went on to explain that the father of her child sadly died after falling when drunk at his bachelor party. The OP and her son attended the funeral and stayed the week so her son could spend time with his grandparents. After spending a pleasant time with their grandson, the grandparents prepared to propose a significant change for the family.
They Wanted Their Grandson to Be the Sole Heir
The grandparents proposed that the woman change her son’s surname to their family name to become the sole heir when they passed away. The OP explained that their son was an only child, and she assumed they would have been hoping for a “legitimate” heir before he died.
She Thought This Was a Dumb Idea
The woman explained how she thought the grandparent’s proposal was dumb as her son’s inheritance should not depend on him changing his surname. Not wanting to be impolite, the woman said she would think about it and left it like that. She says she was pretty comfortable and has a supportive family and her son’s father’s life insurance as part of an earlier court agreement.
A Big Dilemma
Summarizing her dilemma, the OP says that while she thinks it will be nice for her son to get a large sum of money, she doesn’t think she should have to change a name he already identifies with. The OP’s family believes she is being an a**hole about it, which prompted her to ask Reddit readers. She says that her family is making out that she is making an emotional decision rather than a financial decision, which is the only thing other people seem concerned with.
She Thinks Her Son Should Have a Say
To formalize her post, the OP said that she would tell the grandparents that her son could decide what to do when he was 16 but asked readers for their thoughts. There was an element of understanding when one person said, “Yes, I completely understand not wanting him to have the name of a man who did not want him, but being practical, that’s a lot of money, and if that’s all they want.” However, most people thought that she was being unreasonable.
Think of The Grandparents
One reader urged the woman to think about the grandparents in this situation, saying, “it’s not giving him the last name of a man who didn’t want him It’s giving him the last name of his grandparents who did love him and want him and provide for his and his mothers life in very meaningful ways.” It was pointed out that they loved their grandchild and even paid for vacations for the OP.
There May Not Be Time in The Future
Another reader urged the woman to think again about her decision to wait. They said, “If the option is still there. They will change their will in the meantime and who knows what will happen between now and then. One of them may pass and the survivor decides to go in a different direction.”
Support for Mom
Support did come for the mom, however, when one person looked at the situation through her eyes. They pointed out, “That’s lovely in theory, but being a single parent without the same name as your kid puts up a lot of hurdles. Grandparents haven’t thought this through; it’s not just a piece of paper.”
It seems there is a lot to consider for the mom, and it will not be a straightforward decision; we hope the son is happy and has a secure future.
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