A man looked to Reddit’s Am I The A**hole (AITA) readers for support in his disagreement with his partner. The father of 4 was expecting a pat on the back from readers but was met with a barrage of people telling him he was way out of line.
He Has Four Kids Under 7
The man explained that he and his significant other (SO) have four children, six, four, and one-year-old twins. While he and his other very much wanted the elder two children, he did not want to extend their family. Having had a boy and then a girl, the original poster (OP) declared that he wanted a vasectomy, much to his SO’s dismay.
They Fought For Months
The OP explained that he felt the family was financially stretched as he was working two jobs as the sole breadwinner while his wife looked after the kids. Feeling too tired to look after more children and insisting that his wife “ had a hard time keeping up with daily tasks with only two kids,” he didn’t want more children. His wife, however, wanted a big family, which led to months of arguments.
There Was a Double Surprise
While in dispute, the OP’s partner fell pregnant despite being on birth control and gave birth to twins. The OP stressed how much he loved his children but could not bring himself to look after the twins above and beyond the help he gave with the first two children. His unwillingness to help out his tired SO has made them both feel stressed and now he “helps just as much as I used to with our first two children, nothing more, nothing less.”
“Please Think of the Children”
Straightaway, people started thinking about the twins and how they must feel about his lack of attention. One commenter said, “So it’s fine for OP to pretend he only has two kids instead of four? How do you think that will turn out for the two? He refuses.” Another said, “How can he say he loves all four children then only help out with 2 of them? Does he just let the twins cry?”
He Has to Take Responsibility
There was a lot of support for the SO as many shouted out that the OP should be made to take responsibility for his family. One person commented, “You need to reconcile yourself to the fact that those children are there, and you are responsible for that.” They said, “You gave up your choice to prevent that and had two more children. Now look after your bloody children and pull your weight.”
You Have to Work With What They Have
With children in the picture, readers called out for the OP to see sense and work together with his SO other to support their children, regardless of their dispute. One said, “OP- don’t care for those babies because of your partner; care for them because they didn’t do anything wrong in this situation and depend on the adults in their lives to survive.”
He Dug a Bigger Hole for Himself
In response to some of the negative comments readers left for him, the OP ended up making things worse for himself. While he did acknowledge how people felt towards him, he tried to justify his lack of support by telling readers that his SO is only tired because she spends all day and night on her phone and loses track of time. He then rubbed salt in the wounds by telling people that when he is off work, “it takes me a little over an hour to do everything, and I manage to put the kids to bed by 730pm.” He added that helping her more than he already does would be “feeding into her bad habit.”
His Role as a Father Came Into Question
Upon hearing the OP trying to justify himself, many people got outraged and questioned how much of a father he was. One person said, “It doesn’t sound like you were coerced into having more kids. These children are yours and your responsibility now.” The OP responded again by saying that he does help with taking care of his children by feeding, bathing, and playing with them, as well as helping them with homework.
Some People Blamed His Partner for Their Predicament
There was, however, some empathy for the poster as some people believed that the SO was getting off lightly. One person said, “You’re right — it sounds like he was baby-trapped into having more kids. Her birth control failed immediately after he requested a vasectomy. Only a fool would see that as a coincidence. One person also commented that the “OP works two jobs. He’s fulfilling his responsibility by being the sole provider and by helping out with the kids. ” While another agreed that the SO was “shady,” they said that once she became pregnant, he should have stepped up more.
Why is It Only Men Who Are “Baby-Trapped”
In response to accusations of the OP being trapped, furious readers said they“ find it amusing that people only bring “baby trapping” up as if only men are trapped. Women get trapped more since they are left with children to care for, like OP’s wife. The whole thread shows how unequal their partnership appears to be and how expectations of parenthood are very different for each party.
In a final update, the OP agreed that he and his partner should consider going to therapy to work through his resentment issues, which seems the best course of action.
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