We all have a good embarrassing story to tell about our child’s birth. Here are some of the most embarrassingly funny birth moments that will definitely have you rolling on the floor laughing.
When Mom Comes to the Rescue
“I had a long labor and my mom came to my side to give my husband a break. During a particularly bad contraction, she told me it was going to be OK and that it would be over soon. I yelled back, ‘You have no idea what this feels like.’”
Hilarious (and Painful) Realities of Labor
“I was in back labor for the majority of my labor, and I was in a lot of pain. Well, when it was time to push, I screamed, ‘Push her back in! I feel like she’s coming out of my butt! I’M HAVING A BUTT BABY!”
Side Effects of Epidurals
“After receiving my epidural, I put my hand on my own thigh, gasped, and asked my mother, ‘Is that you? You’ve got to tell me what lotion you use!’ She almost peed herself laughing.”
Plea for Mercy
“I screamed to my nurses, ‘Just euthanise me!’”
The Gas and the Glory of Childbirth
“When I had my son, I tried to tell the doctor I had gas, he said, ‘Oh, it’s just pressure from the baby.’ Well, as soon as he slipped his hand in to check my cervix, I farted so loudly, it sounded like furniture scooting across the floor!”
An Epidural, A Husband, and A Stolen Nose
“I had just gotten an epidural, and my husband was holding my hand, when he brought it up to his face to kiss it. Apparently I then grabbed his nose between my fingers and said, ‘I got your nose!’”
The Delirious Side of Childbirth
“I received several different medication for pain relief and was so delirious that I was basically passing out between contractions. Well, when one of the contractions hit, I jerked awake and said, ‘Hugh Jackman!’”
Anesthesia-induced Amnesia
“The medication for my C-section wore off beforehand and the doctors gave me something, so I wouldn’t remember anything. Well, my husband said my pupils dilated, and then, when the anesthesiologist asked me how I felt, for some reason I just said, ‘Purple’”
The Steamy Birth
“We went for an early-morning walk to get labor started, and my water broke. The combination of warm water and the crisp, frosty morning made my crotch start STEAMING…”
Doctor’s Diagnosis
“After 11 hours of labor, I heard my doctor say, ‘That’s a nasty tear,’ and I looked at her, confused, and asked, ‘You ripped the bed sheet?’”
Labor Pains and Wizardry
“For some reason, with my first child, every time I had a contraction, I recited Harry Potter dialogue.”
Gas-Induced Groping
“I’d been given laughing gas, and it caused me to grope my mom’s breasts and laugh and say, ‘Ha ha, boobies!’”
Unexpected Audience
“We were headed to the hospital, and we got stuck behind a school bus. I was screaming my head off in pain when I looked up and saw all the kids on the bus staring at me, terrified!”
Joe Steals the Show
“For some reason, during my contractions I kept saying the name ‘Joe’ – which is not my husband’s name – and that ‘the mailman would be so happy.’ For the record, I do not know a mailman named Joe.”
Baby Borrowing Scheme
“During labor, I told my husband I couldn’t do it anymore and wanted to go home. He asked, ‘What about the baby?’ and I said we could just borrow one from the nursery.
Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow
“The hottest doctor I’d ever seen came in to check my cervix, and then he stood up and said, ‘She’s got quite a lot of hair!’ I was enraged because I hadn’t seen my feet in weeks, let alone had time to trim up down there! After my rage subsided, I realized he was referencing my baby’s hair.”
When Giving Birth Becomes a Crime
“It was after midnight, and I was in the middle of a home birth in our third-floor apartment. The baby had just started crowning when there was a knock at our door. To our complete shock, it was a COP! One of my neighbors had made a noise complaint!”
Oops! Mistaken Identity
“I was pushing when some old guy in shorts and a cardigan walked into my birthing suite. I yelled, ‘Get out, old man!’… only for my midwife to inform me that he was actually the obstetrician. My bad.”
Naked Ambition
“I received medication while delivering my first child, and I found out from my brother-in-law a few months later that I had apparently taken a walk down the hall of the hospital COMPLETELY NAKED!”
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