Dad Suspends His Daughter’s Allowance after She Disrespects Her Brother’s “Chosen Name”

By Emma Williams

After arguing with his family regarding their finances, a worried father looked for advice on Reddit’s Am I The A**hole (AITA). The 37-year-old gave readers some context to his story by telling them that he had a 15-year-old daughter and a 13-year-old son, with the latter being named after his wife’s great-grandfather. The man said he was not too fussed about naming his children, so he left it to his wife. 

His Son Was Having a Party with Friends

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The man explained that his son was attending a party with his friends a few months ago where they played games and shared TikToks. One of his son’s friends shared an “almost name” video, which prompted that friend to ask who his son was named after, which led to his son talking about his grandfather. Subsequently, the friends Googled the grandfather, which led to some interesting conversations. 

Civil Rights Legislation

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It was revealed that the son’s great-grandfather was a state legislator in the Southern US and a segregationist who voted to maintain segregation during the civil rights movement. This news shocked the OP’s son, who started yelling at his parents when they picked him up from his party. He could not believe that they had named him after a “bad guy” like his great-grandfather. 

The Car Ride Home Was Tense

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An argument ensued as the OP’s wife became very upset, and things worsened when they got home. The son insisted that he would change his name, and after much deliberation, his wife reluctantly agreed. The OP pointed out that his wife had grown up in the Southern US while he was from a “hippie town,” which meant that he taught his wife to be more accepting. 

Son Referred to by Chosen Name

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While the family has had some issues with the son’s new name, things have gone well overall with the help of the son’s friends. The OP says his son is very proud of his new name, especially as it is the name of someone he looks up to. It looked like everything was going well after buying a necklace and a few other named items. 

The Boy’s Sister Ruined It All

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Not long after the OP’s son got his necklace and a sign for his room, his sister destroyed them both. The daughter does not like the name change and has deemed her brother a “sensitive zoomer” and stated that boys are “too weak these days.” The daughter’s consequence was that her allowance was suspended until the cost of replacing her brother’s broken items was covered. The daughter seems to be saying a lot of “edgy stuff” these days despite her parents telling her it is wrong. 

It Is Unfair

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The OP’s daughter insists that her parents are being unfair, which brought him to seek opinions online. He says his wife asked for people’s opinions on a mom’s group, and they thought she was being too harsh. It appears that the OP was correct in his actions, as most readers believed he was correct in disciplining his daughter the way he did. 

Is She Being Radicalized?

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One reader was very concerned about the nature of the language the daughter was using when they said, “I would bet good money she’s already been or is well on her way to being radicalized.” Another person responded to this post, saying that online platforms are dangerous for young people and that “the OP has a tiny window of time to turn this around.”

Look At Family Members

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Other readers encouraged the OP to look at the broader family for clues as to why his daughter is acting oddly. They said, “I’d look into what your wife or other relatives (could be either side, honestly) have been saying or excusing when they’ve been talking with your daughter.” After pondering the mom naming their daughter after a segregationist, another reader said, “I wouldn’t be surprised if mom is less open-minded than OP thinks.”

Speculation About His Wife

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Readers could not take the heat off the mom as they were worried about the OP saying she was “more accepting.” One person said, “I’d worry about the wife too; idk if anyone said this yet but that “Facebook mom group” sounds “tradwifey” and racist if they think this stuff is okay. “ Another said, “I don’t believe it and wish people would open their eyes; the mother is “radicalizing” the daughter, not social media or YouTube.”

Daughter Could Just Be Being “Edgy”

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Playing devil’s advocate, one reader suggested, “It could just be a rebellious teen phase where she just simply thinks it’s cool and edgy to make those sorts of comments. Some people agreed with this sentiment, advising the OP to “Keep being supportive of what your son is doing, but also really figure out what’s going on with your daughter. This is extremely concerning.” Lastly, one person confirmed the OP was not the a**hole when they said,” Suspending her allowance to pay for replacements is a perfectly fair and logical consequence. At fifteen, she must understand that apologizing doesn’t make everything go away.”

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