16 Things We’d All Secretly Change About Our Partners If We Had The Chance 

By Krystal Brown

Here is a list of 16 things that people might secretly want to change about their partners, based on my knowledge of human relationships:

Bad Habits

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Our partners may have bad habits that annoy or frustrate us. For example, they may be messy, irresponsible, or addicted to something. Sometimes, our annoyances are irrational, and we may even do those things ourselves, but they get right under our skin, and we wish we could change that. 

Communication Style

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Your partner may be too critical or judgmental, or they could be passive-aggressive and indirect. You may not be able to change everything about your partner’s communication style, but you can work together to find a way to communicate that works for both of you.


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When we are compatible with our partners, we are more likely to have a happy and fulfilling relationship. This is because we are more likely to be on the same page, to feel supported and understood, and to be able to enjoy each other’s company. If this is lacking, it can cause relationships to break down.


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Intimacy can help us to feel loved and accepted by our partners. When we are intimate with our partners, we share ourselves with them in a vulnerable way. This can help us to feel more secure and loved in the relationship. Sometimes, we lose this intimacy when we let everyday life get in our way and cannot find the words to discuss the issue with our partner. 

Personality Traits

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Traits such as being too shy or too outgoing can become a problem in a relationship. Our partner’s personality may be incompatible with ours. This can lead to conflict and frustration in the relationship.


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Our partner’s appearance may not meet our standards of beauty. This can make it difficult to feel physically attracted to them. While we cannot change the way our partner looks, sometimes we wish they would lose weight or dress better.

Level of Ambition

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Some people want their partners to be more ambitious to achieve their personal goals and dreams, such as wanting their partner to be more or less focused on their career.

Household Chores

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Women often do many more chores than their partners, which can be tiring and frustrating. While many women are happy to do their fair share of chores and like looking after their partner, they wish that they would pull their weight. 

Parenting Style

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Some people have different parenting philosophies than their partners. This can lead to conflict and disagreement about how to raise the children. This can include wanting their partner to be more or less strict with the kids.

Social Skills

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Some people may feel embarrassed by their partner’s social skills. This can be because their partner is shy, awkward, or makes inappropriate comments. This can be wanting their partner to be more outgoing or more comfortable in social situations.

Sense of Humor

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If two people have very different senses of humor, it can make it difficult to find things to laugh about together. This can lead to a sense of disconnection and boredom in the relationship. This could include wanting their partner to be funnier or better understand their sense of humor.


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If two people have very different levels of intelligence, it can make it difficult to have stimulating conversations and connect on an intellectual level. This can lead to a sense of disconnection and boredom in the relationship. People may want their partner to be more intelligent or to have a better understanding of certain topics.


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Some people worry about how much their partner looks after their wellbeing. This can include wanting their partner to eat healthier or exercise more. As this can be a delicate subject, it is not something that people can always talk about with their partner. 


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If one partner is struggling financially, it can put a strain on the relationship. The other partner may feel stressed and anxious about the future, or they may feel like they are carrying too much of the financial burden. This could look like one partner wanting their partner to be better with money or to spend less money on certain things.

Family Relationships

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If their partner has a close relationship with their family, but the relationship is dysfunctional or toxic, it can put a strain on the couple’s relationship. Many people wish their partner to be closer to their family or to get along better with their siblings.


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If their partner’s friends have very different values, lifestyles, or interests than them, it can be difficult for them to connect with them or to feel like they belong. This can lead to resentment and conflict in the relationship, especially if one person has brought up the conversation a number of times and nothing changes. 

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